I have not posted much of late. Yes, I am aware. The reason? My literary efforts have lately been directed very specifically toward one particular area of my life, and, pages and pages later, I have concluded that language is insufficient, regardless of any skill I may usually have at wielding even unwieldy words. Even given the lexicon of three languages, no word that I can find carries the appropriate connotations. "Love", perhaps, was once created to describe this...whatever it is, but that word is used up, ground down and worn smooth from the trampling of many feet. Whatever you may call it, I am in it, drowning in it in fact. It is every bit as absurd, irrational, mysterious, and strange as it appears from the outside, but what you don't see is that is uncontrollable, beautiful, selfless, vital and alive. Oh, but how quickly this post falls into platitudes, as I refrain from saying that I feel incomplete without him, missing him as an amputee might miss a limb. Truly was Eve taken from Adam's rib, as I have found my home in his arms and at his side.
The veil is lifted and I see the world anew, the faded attempts of poets more skilled than I painted fresh and bright. Among these, I see the tattered words, "God is love". God loves me? All I've heard before takes on new meaning-God wants me at his side, to join his Church and be his Bride, to love me, not counting my faults, to know me and hear my voice? My God. I am so unworthy.
