It has come to my attention that, celebrities aside, I am pretty much the most easily stalked person on the interweb. So to any stalkers or secret admirers or whatever you crazy kids are calling yourselves these days, I say; you don't have to be so shy. Come over to my house (you know where it is, I'm sure) and let's play parcheesi make some waffles or something some time. Stop skulking around my internet and be my friend. I'm just a little lonely is all.
If you're really a creeper, though, I'd really appreciate it if you'd stop going through my trash looking for hair from my hairbrushes for your weird voodoo potions. Thanks!
I'm not sure if I'll be more dissatisfied with this post's results if someone turns up with my door with a parcheesi board, a wide smile, and a bloody butcher knife... or if no one turns up at all.
